And other stories we'll get to including Andy Marte's bad day at the beach and Beauty and the Geek...
But first, the Billy Crystal caper. Who thought of this? And doesn't it beat the **** out of Garth Brooks batting one-for-whatever -- and it was a gift -- with the 1999 Padres?

"Billy Crystal will be in camp," Yankees manager Joe Girardi said Tuesday. "I will talk to him (Wednesday) when he gets here. We'll have a plan of attack, but I probably won't share that unti (Thursday)."

Crystal is on the field today as you read the column. He's wearing Number 60, his new age as well. The jersey number actually had a good go on Tuesday. Cody Ransom looked good in it. The ball jumped off his bat and nearly crushed the far wall.

But the Number 60 with all the world watching Thursday against the Bucs is B. Crystal. And then, after the game, "I think he should run just like all the other players," Girardi said. "I hope he has his own insurance, though."

Elsewhere:

Indians....

Tom Mastny looks like top dog in the hunt for final bullpen spot. His competition is Jorge Julio, Rick Bauer and Scott Elarton. Bauer pitched Tuesday and had control problems, walking guys and giving up a run without even a hit. Elarton looked good in the Ninth Inning and then Andy Marte went to town. And went into IED Mode. When did Winter Haven turn into Baghdad Spring Training?

Marte picked a bad time to have a bad day. He struck out in the Ninth on an inside fastball, taken, not stirred. This carried over into the field. Boom kaboom, hot shot to Third Base, perfect double play ball mishandled and then thrown wide to first. Two runners on and the dreaded bunt. Hey, it's spring? Why not blossom a bit. Marte charged the popped-up bunt and...Oops. Marte let it drop in the apparent belief this act would atone for the previously botched double-play ball.

Tough love got Marte though. Forgetting to inform teammates rotating in the wheel play, he had no other play but a flip to First Base. Sacrifice --Successful! In fact, one of the weirdest succsesful bunt sacrifice attempts in history. And in spring. Never know what you will see, especially in extra innngs at Winter Haven with players with football offensive lineman numbers and tickets punched to places such as Buffalo and Toledo.

And oh by the way and yadda yadda yadda, Elarton took Marte explosion as a cue for an implosion and managed to start walking anything that moved, punctuating the sweet symphony with a meatball cooked into a two-run single to Right Field by Jeff Larish.

'Nuff said. The following will be a semi-regular part of this column. In tribute to San Francisco legend Herb Caen, we begin the Three Dot Lounge wth a wide world view...

...Jake Peavy struck out the side alright on Tuesday at Peoria, Great outing if only, if only, if only those four runs didn't score in-between

...Brian Bruney has hair, streaking away from the top-of-old-baldy, and it looks like the Samson pre-Delilah look brings a sense of control to his style repertoire...

...Francisco Cervelli and Elliot Johnson, not quite Pete Rose-Ray Fosse All Star smash, but pretty darn good for spring. Cervelli's cast wasn't even dry when he was replaced. The Yankees signed veteran catcher Chad Moeeler to replace Cervelli who was ticketed to Double-A Trenton, according to reports.

Coming in future posts: Dan Weisman will be paying some specialized attention to Japanese players and those with ties to Japanese baseball now playing in the Major Leagues. More on this later...

And finally, the world beyond crazy; Client No. 9 -- and fellow Horace Mann graduate -- Elliot Spitzer -- and wasn't Martha Stewart glowing over it -- aside

...What about All My Children. How come the so-called super-powerful all-evil "The Boss" soto voce on the phone just makes small talk about the weather and dating? Get a real Sopranos rip-off, AMC. Speaking of which, Beauty and the Geek, Oh my, But I digress.

You made it this far. Tell everybody to read Dan Weisman's blog. Thanks and good luck.

Around Spring Training....

Orioles...

Andy MacPhail was named president of baseball operations last June following his time with the Twins and Cubs. "I didn't do much my first few months," he said at O's-Red Sox on Friday.

"In this division, if you want to win you have to make a commitment to excellence," said MacPhail, in an unintentional but perhaps unfortunately telling allusion to the catch phrase of Al Davis and his Oakland-LA-Oakland Raiders.

The Orioles are one of the latest entries to the Dominican Republic scouting and schooling departments. Maybe they're a little late on that one. That pool has been well-drained.

Melvin Mora has been playing with enthusiasm and energy, according to MacPhail whose major concern is pitching, especially with the departure of Erik Bedard. "I think out starters need to be asked to carry us far enough into the game where we don't get overexposed in the bullpen. It's important for us to to get our starters far enough into the game so we can manage the load."

Good luck with that considering Jeremy Guthrie is projected as Opening Day starter, apparently. He threw OK on Friday. "My fastball was not as good as the last outing, but the results were better," Guthrie said.

George Sherrill is projected as closer. "I'm keeping everything the same here," he said. "My changeup is coming along pretty well."

Baltimore-Washington or San Francisco-Oakland? Which will be the losingest exacta play this year?

Twins...

Joe Nathan yes, contract talks with Joe Nathan, no. This from the mouth of Twins general manager Billy Smith: "Joe Nathan signed through this year. It's been quiet (contract talks). We're going to try to keep it that way and let him concentrate on pitching rather than all that other stuff.

The Twins rotation is up in the air with "lots of names," according to Smith. "It's a large group," he said. "It's a young group. But we've never been afraid of going with young players. We'll have to let the pitchers sort it out."

Boofalicious...Boof Bonser lost 30 pounds this winter. "I said I was going to lose the weight and am sticking to the diet in camp," Bonser said Sunday.

Goose Fever is breaking out all over town. That's Tampa, baby, where the Goose is a special coaching assistant with the New York Yankees. Goose today said mainly he is working the wonderful world of PFP, or pitchers fielding practice. Gives duck and cover a whole new meaning.
Goose Gossage is not your average bear. His Baseball Hall of Fame election this year has focused a lot of eyes on him again. Reputation as the ultimate wild man aside, the Goose is a highly personable guy. Speaking with him last year at Petco Park was a treat.

Former Padres reliever -- also longtime New York Yankee and Chicago White Sox player -- Goose Gossage was in the house, make no mistake about it. With an entourage of publicity people forming an intimidating, if fashionable, posse, he threw out the first pitch and plugged a credit card.

But the Goose was talking baseball, a lot of it, and didn't lose any sleep, he said, over narrowly missing selection to the Hall of Fame at that times, August 2007. Besides, "I really didn't want it for myself," he said. "The disappointment was not going in while my mother was alive and could see it."

Residing at Colorado Springs, Gossage has fond memories of North County San Diego. "Aw man, I stumbled out of the old Belly Up Tavern in Solana Beach, a few late nights," he said with a gleam in his eyes. "I love going to Jake's Del Mar. I just played at Morgan Run in the Stan Humphries Golf Tournament. Beautiful course. I like La Costa and Torrey Pines, too. Great golf courses."

Gossage as preaching to the choir, in this case several influential and wel-known baseball writers. He told them he never wanted to relieve at first because this was for washed-up starters back in the day. White Sox manager chuck Tanner made him do it.

"Rollie Fingers put relievers on the map," Gossage said. "He got too uptight to be a starter so they put him in the bullpen. Back then, starters finished what they started"

Gossage said he felt saves these days with three-run leads, or just one inning pitched, was cheap. "I don't want it to sound like sour grapes," he added. "But I want to set the record straight."

And Gossage wanted to make it perfectly clear he only "purposely" hit three batters during his 22-year career with nine teams spanning 1,002 games, 1,809 innings, an 124-107 record with 3`0 saves and, yes, 47 hit batsmen. "I hit a lot of them, but not on purpose," he said, breaking into an ear-to-ear grin. "I was wild enough."

Now, back to Tampa. Goose is -- What else? -- fired up. He had a nice confab with Ken Singleton, another Dan Weisman homey, actually. Singleton grew up in Mount Vernon, N.Y. while Dan Weisman hailed from New Rochelle/Greenwich.

"It's going to be a wonderful year," Goose said. "Be careful what you wish for."

On Lee Smith: "I don't know how they will keep that guy out of the Hall. He led the world in saves."

On Yankees Camp: "It's very relaxed, same as last year with Joe Torre. I'm over on Field Three in the back fields below with PFP. Joe (Girardi) has done a really good job."

On Joba Chamberlain: "He initiated a huge enthusiasm on the team last year. I don't see how he can start this year when he was so valuable in the bullpen. Same as Papelbon...He threw harder (me or him)? I don't know [smile]...It's really going to be exciting for Yankee fans to watch him pitch. He's got an exceptional arm and demeanor out there."

There was more, much, much more, all pure-spun gold. Goose said his adrenaline was going so hard, his teammates were afraid to speak to him on the mound. It was natural "I might be able to get somebody out today, but I'd have to tke the rest of the month off," said the Goose, who retired from MLB in 1994. "All I wanted to do was put on a Big League uniform one time and that one time turned into 22 years."

Hey and what about umpires? "These umpires drive me crazy now. You just scare a guy a little, maybe throw over hs head and they kick you out of the game." Smile!

"I scared myself sometimes," Goose concluded, "I would not have wanted to face me. It was really frightening te way I worked myself into a frenzy hatng the hitter and stuff like that."

See you at the Hall in July Goosearoofico...

Jerry Coleman was on his game today. Or at least sniffing out -- shall we say -- a big lead. The occasion was barbecue, the smells thereof, which somehow, some way reminded the Hall of Fame broadcaster and former Yankees second-baseman of...marijuana...What else? Maybe the colonel had the munchies up there in Peoria. Fellow traveler Ted Leitner was bemused, asking Coleman how he knew it was marijuana oh'lo those many spring trainings ago when first he smelt it? "They" told me, Coleman said. Wnk. Wink.
Speaking of pot, or going to pot, whichever comes first, the Padres rotation upfront with Jake Peavy, Chris Young, Greg Maddux, is proceeding as advertised. The back-end guys like Randy Wolf, Justin Germano, et al. not so good. OK, just so long as the very scary "Wolf Pack" stays put in Philly.

Around the National League...

Johnny Estrada, now of the Washington Whatevers, said he was looking forward to the new stadium and playing a role. Although, "It's kind of frustrating coming to new teams year after year," he told MASN. "But me and Pauly (LoDuca) will brng a lot to this team."

Jim Bowden, the Washouts GM, said Ryan Zimmerman "started his career in Washington and I hope will finish his career in Washington." Bowden also believes "no doubt, our park will be the greatest baseball park in the history of the world." Fair enough. Better than the Coliseum where the Tigers and Lions played the Christians to a maul?

And, oh yes, Bowden knows Willy Mo Pena will hit 30 to 40 home runs, "but the key is cutting down on his strikeouts." A decision on the Nick Johnson-Dimitri Young dilemma remains contingent on injury recovery progress later this springs, he said.

Hey look Andre Eithier over. The crowded Dodgers outfield doesn't have room for him. But so far so very good looking this spring as Ethier is hanging a star all the heck over it, to paraphrase the catch phrase Coleman has made famous all over the air through the many splendid years.

Blast from the Past? Odalis Perez did not die, but he did fade away. He's re-emerged at Washington's camp, "looking phenomenal," according to Bob Boone. "He's throwing it in a teacup."

OK, no more...For now. Don't forget to check out 92067freepress.com for more on the hometown of many of your Major League stars, not to mention John Moores, Padres owner..and yours truly.

Ciao for now!

Dan Weisman, Baseball Investigator, is about to share a lot of baseball-related knowledge and current observational insights with the baseball loving world at large.
Think of this as Marcel Duchamp meets The Lou Gehrig Story.

The Spring Training Version will be updated periodically. The in-season effort will be updated continually, up to several times a day.

You may not know Dan Weisman, Baseball Investigator, but he is one of the foremost baseball experts in America. He has kept a low profile over the years because, well, he has been watching baseball games. Now, he is ready to give back in the form of what I do best, talk about baseball.

He has watched (practically) every televised baseball game since the early 1980s. Mike Bong before he committed suicide in a bathtub in 1984 -- he was a very talented artist and musician, and herion junky -- called us a "baseball addict" when I tried to change the TV from "General Hospital" to Cubs v. Mets.

But we digress.

I've been around. I played a little. Went to Rice University where Wayne Graham is the closest thing to a baseball deity possible. I outlined the international scouting track in the late 1970s, back when it sounded insane although Branch Rickey Jr., then of the Pirates, listened intently to my suggestions. Later, I was baseball consultant to Louisiana Gov. Buddy Roemer as he tried to relocate the Seattle Mariners and then the San Francisco Giants to New Orleans. Later yet, Mariners scouting chief Dan Jennings didn't know what to make of me and my suggestion that scouting on the MLB level could be highly successful conducted entirely through monitoring baseball on television.

Meanwhile, I had my other baseball moments. Present at several World Series -- Cards-Yanks; Mets-Orioles Yanks-Padres -- as well as NLDS games, including Astros v. Mets Game Six in 1986. I covered the Toronto Blue Jays and wrote some about the Oakland A's and Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays.

And now this...It's going to be a great season!

Padres manager Bud Black, of Rancho Santa Fe, ponders whether to start Rob Mackowiak, Morgan Ensberg or Geoff Blum. Wait a minute. THEY'VE ALL BEEN RELEASED...Never mind.

Get your pre-game jig on; this is behind-the-scenes at Petco Park in the Padres locker room. The area is off-limits to the media.

Don't even think about attempting to reproduce this shot of pitcher David Wells reading a home exercise equipment catalogue at Petco Park. Shortly thereafter, he went somewhat postal about the entire innocuous exercise. OK, still didn't beat Todd Stottlemeyer Jr. in my face at Dunedin, Fl. David, Todd: All is forgiven, let's do lunch!

A little leftover magic from my days with the Yomiuri Giants, pee-wee division. The Yakult Swallows eventually won me over when their publicity manager sent me a cap and jersey following a series of e-mail exchanges. For those who don't know the Swallows are the Mets to the Giants Yankees I remain a Yomiuri Giant, however, forever.